Tuesday, December 11, 2012


Blogging.  I want to blog, but, well, sometimes my blog gets clogged.  No, this isn't going to turn into a Dr. Seuss story, though I'm certain I could make it so! :o)  I always have this thought...Ohhhhh I need to blog about that...well, then I forget about it.  Once it's gone, it's not likely to come back, which is not really an effect of the WLS, rather than that cranky old brain surgery and that fibromyalgia! By gones...it is what it is, so tonight, I'm just going to write.  I'm supposed to be grading, judging, commenting, on the works of undergraduates who are eager and ready for the semester to be finished.  I've graded some...more than in a while...so I'm taking a break to just blog.  Doesn't that word sound almost cathartic...blog.  In that context is sounds very dark...I'm gonna just blog.  But, it can very easily take a turn, oh my gosh...tonight...I'm going to blog!  In this context it's climactic...or anticlimactic, depending on how much you enjoy the blog...blog! 

So, my latest news is similar to my last latest news. I'm stuck.  I'm not gaining, I'm not losing. I'm stuck.  In the WLS world, we call this a stall.  There are strategies to get you OUT of the stall.
Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't.  I've worked through some of them on my own, just powering through and I've worked through some of the with that 5daypouchtest, and others, well, I just let my body take over and do what it was supposed to do.  I've heard so many successful women say, "all I did was eat well...I didn't do any of that exercise!"  Well, now, while walking a 5K 3-4 times a week may not be running a marathon, it's movement for me!  Surely my body must be reacting somehow!?!?!  I've entertained the thought of a trainer, then I realize 2 things. 1. His goal, while getting me into the best shape of my life, is to hurt me...you can't convince me that's not his goal! 2. He's very proud of himself with his $60/hour! Ugh! I couldn't get that for doing private therapy for a child with autism these days! So yea, I'm a little bitter about that.  Something needs to change though.  I'm tinkering with the idea of yoga.  Right now my neck and shoulders hurt so bad, I can't imagine stretching out a bit in yoga could hurt me anymore than I already do.  But something's gotta give. Just for kicks I went and looked at some of the exercise videos on YouTube. They made me hurt just watching! I don't want anyone to read this and think that I'm not willing to do the work, but, I hurt all the time and any extra stress on the body certainly can't be good for my body...or for my head. Hurting isn't fun.

I've finally hit the spot when people are starting to question me about my weight and weight loss.  Have you lost enough? How much more do you need to lose? Are you gaining a little back? Is your face filling out? Did you eat too much this weekend? Are you going to lose if you eat that? Knowing that these questions were asked out of fear, I answered them honestly, with a touch of sarcasm.  But I'll tell you, it hurt my feelings.  It hurt my feelings in ways that got me to where I was when this all started.  I wanted to go and eat.  You want my face to be full? Oh I can fix that!  You think I ate too much today...watch out for tomorrow!  CLEARLY not the way to handle it and not the way that I did handle it, but it took me back to that place.  It took me back to the years and years and "stuff" I dealt with before surgery, before I even DREAMED of surgery.  It made me mad and sad...and reminded me that despite the fact that "I'm the strong one," which I am..."I'm the strong one"...I'm still a fragile butterfly.  Those who know me well know this.  So, remember, before those words come out of your mouth, whether it's to me or to any other child, adult, family member, who is constantly struggling with their weight, know that the "strong one" has a "fragile butterfly" frame.

On another note, I had a stomach virus yesterday...started at 4:00 A.M.  by 10:00 a.m. I'd lost 3 lbs.  This morning, I'd lost 5!  Now, I was miserable and I'm paying very close attention to what I put in my mouth, because the LAST thing I wanna do is gain them back.  I'm so close to another milestone number, which gets me about 40lbs away from my goal.  How crazy is that!?!? Woo woo woo! 

So, this rambling, rather disconnected blog...or blog! is essentially about motivation and airing your feelings! I'm going to leave with one quote  worth reading...printing out...and re-reading! 

...and another video from the incomparable Elizabeth Wills...totally embraces that even in all this, there is peace!

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