Thursday, January 19, 2012

Third grade...gotta get weighed...and such.

It's busy season! It's official. Ugh.  UNT has started back.  Lamar has started back. and SFA has started back. Oh, and I have a real job! Good times!  These are the times that got me to the place that I needed to have the surgery in the first place.  It scares me a little bit...actually it scares me a lot.  While I realize is that I only have 4 oz of space in my tummy, poor choices can still mess things up!  I'm trying really hard to set up myself up...mindset and make good choices and to get everything done in a timely and healthy manner! Yep...that's the plan! Wish me luck!

So, to reflect on my last week, I'm going to go all the way back to Friday! I went to see Susan and Elizabeth sing in Ft Worth.  The music was fabulous.  The company was fabulous...and the lemon cake got it...fabulous! It was a really great night all together.  However, the icing on the cake was when my friend Susan just looked at me...with this sweet look on her face...with both of her hands on each side of her face...patting it...with a "WOW" look on her face...and said, "You just look so beautiful."  It's one thing when the people who see me all day every day...or when my family...says something nice...but when someone just says was very nice.  It made me smile and it made my heart warm.  I'm including a song Susan sings that all us chubby girls have lived at one point or another...

The first line of the song alone is enough to make any chubby girl sweat a little! Thanks Suz for putting it all into song!!

So, last week when I walked I walked on the treadmill every day and shhh...don't tell anyone...but I actually ran a little.  Of course, my run is your walking fast. This week, in an attempt to throw my body a curve ball and encourage it to continue dropping the pounds/inches, etc I have walked distance.  2-3 miles at a time.  I would notice that I was walking...and I just kept walking and walking and walking!  One day I was walking and singing (poor neighbors) and another day I found myself walking and dancing.  Yes, dancing.  I do love the Pandora "Gwen Stefani" station!  Fergie...Gwen...Pink...good stuff!  And I would just walk aimlessly.  I wanted to make sure I hit 2 miles...or 3 miles...and I just kept walking!  It was a weird feeling.  I still think that how 2 months ago I would have laughed at you if you had said, "Just wait're gonna be a walking fool."  I think that's a stretch...but yea, I'm walking...and I kind of want to walk.  I walked when it was 40 degrees outside...bundled up and walked.  And of course, today, the weather was gorgeous and I couldn't get outside to walk before dark because of UNT stuff....but I did get outside and walked almost 2 miles. And, with all that walking I hope, pray, and really really want the scale to move tomorrow.  It hasn't been cooperating to the extent I'd like it to. I know, I know. I need to just let nature do it's thing.  I need to stay off the scale.  I need to just be...but it's hard.  The emotional part has probably been the hardest part so far.  Crazy isn't it?  Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I always thought that life would be so much easier/happier if I were just thin and/or losing weight.  Here I am...losing weight...and knowing that weight loss really is inevitable, especially right now (and for the next many months) and I'm still worried about it.  I suppose old habits die hard....right?

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Eye on the prize! I've had a rough couple of days...maybe even weeks! I haven't seen the scale move at all and try as I might, I can't NOT look at the scale! I have tried and tried. So, I've accepted (I think) that my role in all this is to just accept what the scale says and deal with it. I will say the "stall" on the scale has sent me to the gym with much more fervor! I've actually found myself running (very slowly) in 30 second intervals! My goal is to get in a 20 minute mile and do whatever it takes to make that happen. Now, mind you, my exercise post-surgery has just been about moving. Walking. and not sitting. So, to think that 2 months later (yesterday was 8 weeks post-op) I'm moving my feet quick enough to call it a run...that's a big deal! I knew there would come a point that I'd step up my game, so to speak. The trainer is still an option...and I still haven't gotten the wheels aired up on the bike that my friends Shauna and Karen were kind enough to donate to my cause...but I'll get there!

So, in an attempt to push myself a little further and to give me a sense of success, I put together a before and after picture. I've looked at these pictures a hundred times, but until I put them side by side I don't think I really had any idea of a: how big I'd actually gotten and b: how well I'm really doing! So..I'm going to share it with you guys! Here ya go!

The picture on the left was taken at the DMA in October. That kiddo, ok, so he's a young man who happens to be taller than me, is my sweet little Christopher who I started babysitting when he was 2.  We continued working together for years in therapy and babysitting and though he probably doesn't know it, Christopher (and his family) played an important role in my many special moments in my life! One of the sweetest moments was the day after I was diagnosed with my brain cyst I was babysitting...and when I wen to tuck Christopher into bed he started saying the Lord's Prayer.  I knew then that I was going to be ok! Thanks Christopher!  Ok, enough of that! Anyway...the picture on the right was taken a couple of weeks ago. You've seen this picture...I'm excited to see this picture!  I needed to see this picture...and I needed to see it compared to the other picture!  I needed to know that thus far, it's all been worth it.  The apple and peanut butter for dinner and boiled egg for's all worth it!  The work is paying off and I continue to have my eye on the prize!!!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Hikes, roadblocks, & social events

Ya get all excited because the weight is just falling off...which is what it's supposed to do. Then you start eating real real food! Whatever you want food...just 4 oz at a time. Well, just as in "real life" sometimes the eyes are bigger than the stomach...and sometimes the not healthiest choices are what you want to eat. I knew going into this that if you continue to make bad choices, whether you can take in 4 oz or 40 oz you're not going to lose weight. I've hit that hump that I knew I would. It's frustrating. It's discouraging. It sucks. It will get better, I know. And I can hear sweet little Meagan the nutritionist saying, "if the scale isn't moving, your waistline is." However, in a society that is scale driven, roadblocks make it hard. There is a slight chance that hormones are effecting the tone of this blog...but this too is a part of life (and perhaps a side effect of the scale being stubborn). Big sigh.

On an upnote...I went to the Ft Worth Nature Center again today and took a lovely 3.15 mile hike with friends. We walked for an hour and 40 minutes. Don't get me wrong, I felt it, but I really didn't feel it until it was over. It was nice. I thoroughly enjoyed it. We saw little groundhogs and a bunny rabbit and lots of animal tracks (and poop). I think I'm going to hit the trails at Bear Creek this week to see what they're like. It's definitely more fun to be out in the woods than on the sidewalk. I'm also looking into water aerobics and a personal trainer. I know that movement will help with the hurdles (see paragraph above) and will ultimately lead to my feeling better...right??

So, I went to a social event on Thursday and saw a lot of people I haven't seen in a long long time! One friend said to me, "Callaway, you've got to get some clothes that fit!"...and I thought I WAS wearing clothes that fit. Ugh. It's a good problem to have, but let me tell you, I should have started a clothing fund months ago! Im half tempted to put one of those PayPal buttons on this page to accept donations to the cause! In the meantime, I'm cinching my britches and wearing shirts that are just probably too big. It's just going to have to be ok. Well, unless of course you'd like to donate! (ha...totally kidding.)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Three Miles & Clothes!

So, isn't that a movie?  Oh wait...that's 8 miles. Well..still 3 miles is exciting!  The last time I walked 3 miles in a row was in college...probably 1992...when I took a Jogging class! That was our final exam to walk/run 3 miles! That was a long long long time ago!  Today, I had no desire or motivation to do anything. I didn't want to walk...or play Wii dance...nothing. I was just feeling sluggish.  But, with a little encouragement from friends, I powered through! I'm pretty sure there will be a lot of days like these in my future...and hopefully with continued support I can push through!  I tell ya, walking and music and A.D.D. are a good combination! I just keep walking and walking and I listen to the music...and my mind races! It certainly keeps things interesting! Here is the screen shot from the app I use to check my mileage! Please keep in mind that I'm in absolutely no hurry when I walk. I walk because I need to and because I can.  I figure at some point that I'll get bored with my little walks and I'll put some time and distance parameters on day...eventually...but not today.

Clothes...I guess I knew that my clothes would eventually be too big, but I don't think I thought it would happen this quickly!  I try on about 5 outfits (which again, I haven't done since college) and leave the house in clothes that look like a clown outfit because they're so big! I only have a handful of not clown big clothes! So, thanks to the advice from my friend Cheryl, I have found a couple of Plus Size resale shops! I'm hoping that I can sell some of my clothes and get some credit for some new clothes!  It's exciting to be excited about clothes...because I certainly haven't in years and years!  It's a good feeling. A really good feeling. 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Picture 'n Such

I've had a couple of people ask for a here ya go...I'm posting a picture! For those of you who haven't seen me in about 4 or so years, this is probably what you remember me looking like. Those who have seen me lately can really tell that I've lost weight!

I had a friend come into town today from Chicago so we hit up her old favorite restaurants! I had a small portion of an enchilada and refried beans, then for dinner she wanted Boston's Pizza so I ate the cheese and other toppings off and a little tiny bit of crust! Good stuff! So far so good folks!!!