Friday, December 2, 2011
When I met with my neurologist before surgery he said, "You know this surgery won't make your Fibromyalgia go away. Skinny people have Fibro." I nodded, smiled, and acted like I understood, but I think in the back of my mind (or the front) I thought, oh heck yea...when I lose weight, this fibro is finished! I was abruptly yanked out of this reality yesterday. I couldn't figure out why my hips, of all things, hurt. I haven't really been walking much this week (and I was walking 3 times a day last week) so why would I be hurting. This morning when I woke up and climbed out of bed it hit me...almost literally...the hips hurt and now the body hurts...the feet hurt....the back hurts...I hurt. Shit. It's back. What I know about fibro is that weather is a trigger (hello cold wet weather) and stress is a trigger (hello back to work) and trauma to the body (hello, I just had my stomach ripped out) is a trigger. Ouch. Ouch. OUCH! I think I'm more sad than anything. Sad because the walk I took a week ago, 3 times a day, killed me tonight. All I wanted to do was see Santa down at City Hall tonight in Keller. It's half the walk that I typically take. OUCH! Big sigh. So, I'm trying really hard not to let this get the best of me. I'm trying hard not to be mad and sad. I'm trying hard not to whine. And I'm trying real hard not to let this slow me or my progress down. I don't have time for this. I can't have time for this. It has to go away. So, if you're a praying person...pray to whomever it is you pray to that this will just go away...at least for another couple of weeks. If you can ask for forever, that'd be great...but I think that's a little too pie in the sky. I feel silly asking for prayers for something like this when I really do feel like the luckiest girl in the world, especially when I know there are so many people who are truly struggling. What gives me the right to ask something like this? Big sigh.